I'm going to tell you a story. Its about how I decided to be stupid and make poor automotive decisions, enjoy.
Chapter 1 - First Mistakes
Once upon a Time I had a 2004 Satin Silver TL Sport. It was a great car, it would make great noises when you stepped on the loud pedal, it looked great when you walked away and turn around to look at it and lock it, and it was a comfortable, sensible, and practical daily driver.
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
I liked this car very, very much, but as the miles went up I began getting this notion that once the car had 100k it would be seen as worthless when I went to resell it, so in mid 2011 I frantically began looking for a replacement and eventually sold it.
Chapter 2 - Why was I so stupid
Enter the first pile of sh..I mean first dip into German superiority, the B5 S4.
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
Covered in retina searing Laser Red, this fine example of Germanys late 90's sophisticated technology had only covered about 110,000 miles when she came into my possession. The car came equipped with the famous 2.7L Twin Turbo V6 that everyone has come to know for making some serious power through OEM upgrades should the owner find their way into some extra cash through stealing enough of those Ronald McDonald's Children coin collection boxes when they go in to buy dinner for their family of four because they can no longer afford to eat anything thats not part of the Value menu because maintaining a 12 year old Audi is about as expensive as Charlie Sheen's coke habit.
Now while they can make a ton of power, these car are known for needing quite the many maintenance items in the early 100,000 miles notably being the Clutch, Timing belt, and Turbos. The book time for turbocharger replacements is TWENTY TWO hours .yes 22. Clearly I felt like I was in the clear for a while since my vehicle came with receipts for new Turbochargers, clutch, timing belt, motor mounts, and a few other costly odds and ends all having been done in the previous 10,000 miles so I was making a smart choice by picking this baby up. I wouldn't need to do a damn thing other than mat the throttle and enjoy some good ol' fashioned turbocharged fun.
Well that all about lasted for 3 months until the second gear shift collar decided it wanted to have a sleep over with the shavings magnet at the other end of the transmission casing.
Chapter 3 - Fucking Cherry!
So the S4 was broken, and I needed a car. I should buy something reliable, that will be super low maintenance and cheap to fix should it break!
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
Now I should probably mention that I had owned a 5spd Jetta GL before buying this GLI and the idea of a 16v with the short ratio 2Y transmission really excited me. The car was described to me as being "Fucking cherry" without a spot of rust. YOLO.
First impressions were that driving a car designed in 1985 at 75mph on the highway with a "close ratio transmission" resulted in what can only be described as D-Generation X running a train through my ear. The German engineers at Volkswagen found it best to have the engine sit at around 4,300 rpms at 75. The fact that it had a 2.5" stainless Borla catback only made it worse, but that was only the beginning of my very intelligent daily driver purchasing decision.
It became apparent to me that I had made a really good choice in buying that car after I got inside my car to go to work one day and noticed the entire floor was completely soaked..awesome.
Some photos of the "Fucking Cherry" rustless car.
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
So it had a little bit of rust, big deal! Its an old Volkswagen its bound to happen. I just kept pilling on stupid statements over stupid statements. It wasn't until every ground in the car would begin horrifically smoking worse than a New Ferrari after I tried to start it one day. Luckily by that time the broken S4 was fixed so I sold this toilet aaaaaand...
Chapter 4 - I'm still fucking stupid
So the S4 was back and I didn't want to drive it. Every time I looked at it I became terrified that it would pop on two wheels and piss oil on me like Herbie, or the trunk would pop and a little german gnome would jump out wearing lederhosen screaming at me for not drinking Heineken while yodeling the Ricola jingle and start chasing me with a piece of kielbasa.
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
r
Over the few more months I had it I got a bit more confidence in the car and began pushing it. I will admit the powertrain gave the impression that the car pulled like a freight train as soon as the walnut sized turbos finished spooling. It even made a pretty cool noise too, but it was all downhill after I pushed it into a corner and the car proceeded to understeer so bad it nearly went into the curb on the other side of the corner. The veteran engineers behind this project must of forgotten that corners exist when the put the ENTIRE MOTOR in front of the front axle line, but hey mistakes happen right? After that little fiasco, and finding out that my car had a few more aftermarket options besides the mid life crisis TSW Nogaro's on it (like hot glued fog light housings, or poorly sanded/painted quarter panels) the opportunity to sell this car couldn't have come any sooner and I pulled my emergency chute to safety.
Chapter 5 - Third times a Charm
Due to my lack of navigating skills, I unfortunately ended up guiding my emergency chute to another fine German automobile. In all honesty this car wasn't all that bad to me, but I did find some pretty serious rust after I bought it. 6 months after I sold it the k frame broke in half from the amount of rust it had on it buried under inches of sludge from the decades of OEM oil leaks supplied by VW.
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
Chapter 6 - A Glimmer of Hope
About a month before I sold the Jetta I took a trip to Spain to walk a pilgrimage across the country. It really impacted me on an emotional, spiritual, and physical level but walking 500 miles across a beautiful country ending up in the 3rd holiest place on the planet will kind of do that to you. Its the same pilgrimage that Martin Sheen walks in the film The Way. Now this doesn't sound like its related to my story, but I promise it is just stick with me here.
Over the course of my 33 days walking I saw some of the most beautiful natural sights that I had ever seen.
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
I had a lot of time to myself on my trip, and a lot of time to think. I kept having this reoccurring day dream as I walked along where I was in a 5spd LS400 drifting around this local Taco Bell everyone hangs out at like a total fuqboi badass. For the first time in my life I turned a dream into a reality. So I sold the Jetta and bought an LS400.
Enter the Skidsteak, my first Japanese vehicle after almost 2 years of making poor financial decisions!!!!
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
Plus this and about 8 months time
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
equal'd a whole lot of this
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
Chapter 7 - Some Things Never Change
So I had a new theory this time. I'm going to buy a BRITISH car. Its not German so clearly it won't be comprised of stupid overly complex things and it will be fun and nice.
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
Man I love this car, and man I hate this car. I can't say I regret it because its the reason I met my girlfriend, but I can say that I'm sick and tired of working on it, oh and that I couldn't of been more naive in my earlier statement. The goddamn calipers say BMW right on them. Brake pads with sensors in them, motor mounts with reverse torx bolts, unexplainable check engine lights, or my favorite ridiculous stupid german wiring where the trunk pops every time you turn your headlights on because the battery is on its way out. I'm sorry, but I don't see a reason why car should burn 3 quarts of oil in an oil change interval and that be considered 100% within spec. Fuck you BMW.
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
Along the way I decided to pick up a daily driver project since I wanted to try and make the Mini more of a weekend/track car. What would be the stupid decision at this point? Yeah another Volkswagen. This time it would be different, this time I would change everything first. I can't really tell you what draws me to these cars, maybe its the fact that they resemble a 1st generation Lego car, maybe its the fact that they're just so cheap to buy parts for, but I love(d) them.
Before:
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
After:
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
This thing was supposed to be bulletproof. I did a low mileage ABA swap (MK3 Jetta 2.0), close ratio GLI trans with a diesel 5th gear, regasketed the entire motor, new clutch, changed every single front end bushing and suspension component, new coilovers, MK3 Jetta seats, etc. Thing drove amazing, it was peppy, it ran at 3k at 70mph on the highway, and it was comfortable. I loved this car, I wanted to keep it forever as a beater all up until the day it started jumping timing. I'd reset it, it'd jump. I changed the crank gear, it broke the next one. Apparently this was news to me and all my very big VW friends, but the ABA has a small issue. The keyway on the crankshaft is, you guessed it, POORLY ENGINEERED, so once its marred in anyway it will continuously shear the woodruf key off the crank gear. The solution? DRILL A FUCKING HOLE INTO THE CRANK. Like I wish I could make this shit up, but it happens to 1.8T's, certain TDI's, and the ABA. What the actual fuck.
Here is the $160 repair kit if you're incapable of buying a $6 cobalt drill bit and doing it yourself.
1.8T 20V Timing Belt Gear Dowel Pin Kit FOR TDI CRANK
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
Fuck this, I'm done.
Chapter 8 - Redemption
So to end my rant on how big of a pile of shit German automobiles are I will share with you why I'm here. I'm a homeowner now so I need to stop being stupid, and start making smart decisions.
I bought this on Friday. It needs some TLC, but its mostly all there. Its exactly what I wanted, in the exact color I wanted. Funny enough I looked at this car in 2011 when I was going to get rid of my TL. It had 29,000 miles on it but was way out of my price range. The guy who bought it back then sold it to me and he's maintained it pretty regularly. He's a member on here too and almost bought my J-pipe in my part out haha. But I digress, here you go.
![Click the image to open in full size.]()
I will make a progress thread for it soon, and you can all follow the progress there on my quest to get it back to its glory. I will not make the same mistake again, I won't sell the best car I ever owned over stupid reasons. 500k or bust.
The End.
P.S. German cars are fucking trash.
P.P.S. I still have the Lexus because its the most awesome thing I've ever owned. Ive since sold the Jetta, selling the Mini, and from this point will only ever own Japanese products.
Chapter 1 - First Mistakes
Once upon a Time I had a 2004 Satin Silver TL Sport. It was a great car, it would make great noises when you stepped on the loud pedal, it looked great when you walked away and turn around to look at it and lock it, and it was a comfortable, sensible, and practical daily driver.
I liked this car very, very much, but as the miles went up I began getting this notion that once the car had 100k it would be seen as worthless when I went to resell it, so in mid 2011 I frantically began looking for a replacement and eventually sold it.
Chapter 2 - Why was I so stupid
Enter the first pile of sh..I mean first dip into German superiority, the B5 S4.
Covered in retina searing Laser Red, this fine example of Germanys late 90's sophisticated technology had only covered about 110,000 miles when she came into my possession. The car came equipped with the famous 2.7L Twin Turbo V6 that everyone has come to know for making some serious power through OEM upgrades should the owner find their way into some extra cash through stealing enough of those Ronald McDonald's Children coin collection boxes when they go in to buy dinner for their family of four because they can no longer afford to eat anything thats not part of the Value menu because maintaining a 12 year old Audi is about as expensive as Charlie Sheen's coke habit.
Now while they can make a ton of power, these car are known for needing quite the many maintenance items in the early 100,000 miles notably being the Clutch, Timing belt, and Turbos. The book time for turbocharger replacements is TWENTY TWO hours .yes 22. Clearly I felt like I was in the clear for a while since my vehicle came with receipts for new Turbochargers, clutch, timing belt, motor mounts, and a few other costly odds and ends all having been done in the previous 10,000 miles so I was making a smart choice by picking this baby up. I wouldn't need to do a damn thing other than mat the throttle and enjoy some good ol' fashioned turbocharged fun.
Well that all about lasted for 3 months until the second gear shift collar decided it wanted to have a sleep over with the shavings magnet at the other end of the transmission casing.
Chapter 3 - Fucking Cherry!
So the S4 was broken, and I needed a car. I should buy something reliable, that will be super low maintenance and cheap to fix should it break!
Now I should probably mention that I had owned a 5spd Jetta GL before buying this GLI and the idea of a 16v with the short ratio 2Y transmission really excited me. The car was described to me as being "Fucking cherry" without a spot of rust. YOLO.
First impressions were that driving a car designed in 1985 at 75mph on the highway with a "close ratio transmission" resulted in what can only be described as D-Generation X running a train through my ear. The German engineers at Volkswagen found it best to have the engine sit at around 4,300 rpms at 75. The fact that it had a 2.5" stainless Borla catback only made it worse, but that was only the beginning of my very intelligent daily driver purchasing decision.
It became apparent to me that I had made a really good choice in buying that car after I got inside my car to go to work one day and noticed the entire floor was completely soaked..awesome.
Some photos of the "Fucking Cherry" rustless car.
So it had a little bit of rust, big deal! Its an old Volkswagen its bound to happen. I just kept pilling on stupid statements over stupid statements. It wasn't until every ground in the car would begin horrifically smoking worse than a New Ferrari after I tried to start it one day. Luckily by that time the broken S4 was fixed so I sold this toilet aaaaaand...
Chapter 4 - I'm still fucking stupid
So the S4 was back and I didn't want to drive it. Every time I looked at it I became terrified that it would pop on two wheels and piss oil on me like Herbie, or the trunk would pop and a little german gnome would jump out wearing lederhosen screaming at me for not drinking Heineken while yodeling the Ricola jingle and start chasing me with a piece of kielbasa.
rOver the few more months I had it I got a bit more confidence in the car and began pushing it. I will admit the powertrain gave the impression that the car pulled like a freight train as soon as the walnut sized turbos finished spooling. It even made a pretty cool noise too, but it was all downhill after I pushed it into a corner and the car proceeded to understeer so bad it nearly went into the curb on the other side of the corner. The veteran engineers behind this project must of forgotten that corners exist when the put the ENTIRE MOTOR in front of the front axle line, but hey mistakes happen right? After that little fiasco, and finding out that my car had a few more aftermarket options besides the mid life crisis TSW Nogaro's on it (like hot glued fog light housings, or poorly sanded/painted quarter panels) the opportunity to sell this car couldn't have come any sooner and I pulled my emergency chute to safety.
Chapter 5 - Third times a Charm
Due to my lack of navigating skills, I unfortunately ended up guiding my emergency chute to another fine German automobile. In all honesty this car wasn't all that bad to me, but I did find some pretty serious rust after I bought it. 6 months after I sold it the k frame broke in half from the amount of rust it had on it buried under inches of sludge from the decades of OEM oil leaks supplied by VW.
Chapter 6 - A Glimmer of Hope
About a month before I sold the Jetta I took a trip to Spain to walk a pilgrimage across the country. It really impacted me on an emotional, spiritual, and physical level but walking 500 miles across a beautiful country ending up in the 3rd holiest place on the planet will kind of do that to you. Its the same pilgrimage that Martin Sheen walks in the film The Way. Now this doesn't sound like its related to my story, but I promise it is just stick with me here.
Over the course of my 33 days walking I saw some of the most beautiful natural sights that I had ever seen.
I had a lot of time to myself on my trip, and a lot of time to think. I kept having this reoccurring day dream as I walked along where I was in a 5spd LS400 drifting around this local Taco Bell everyone hangs out at like a total fuqboi badass. For the first time in my life I turned a dream into a reality. So I sold the Jetta and bought an LS400.
Enter the Skidsteak, my first Japanese vehicle after almost 2 years of making poor financial decisions!!!!
Plus this and about 8 months time
equal'd a whole lot of this
Chapter 7 - Some Things Never Change
So I had a new theory this time. I'm going to buy a BRITISH car. Its not German so clearly it won't be comprised of stupid overly complex things and it will be fun and nice.
Man I love this car, and man I hate this car. I can't say I regret it because its the reason I met my girlfriend, but I can say that I'm sick and tired of working on it, oh and that I couldn't of been more naive in my earlier statement. The goddamn calipers say BMW right on them. Brake pads with sensors in them, motor mounts with reverse torx bolts, unexplainable check engine lights, or my favorite ridiculous stupid german wiring where the trunk pops every time you turn your headlights on because the battery is on its way out. I'm sorry, but I don't see a reason why car should burn 3 quarts of oil in an oil change interval and that be considered 100% within spec. Fuck you BMW.
Along the way I decided to pick up a daily driver project since I wanted to try and make the Mini more of a weekend/track car. What would be the stupid decision at this point? Yeah another Volkswagen. This time it would be different, this time I would change everything first. I can't really tell you what draws me to these cars, maybe its the fact that they resemble a 1st generation Lego car, maybe its the fact that they're just so cheap to buy parts for, but I love(d) them.
Before:
After:
This thing was supposed to be bulletproof. I did a low mileage ABA swap (MK3 Jetta 2.0), close ratio GLI trans with a diesel 5th gear, regasketed the entire motor, new clutch, changed every single front end bushing and suspension component, new coilovers, MK3 Jetta seats, etc. Thing drove amazing, it was peppy, it ran at 3k at 70mph on the highway, and it was comfortable. I loved this car, I wanted to keep it forever as a beater all up until the day it started jumping timing. I'd reset it, it'd jump. I changed the crank gear, it broke the next one. Apparently this was news to me and all my very big VW friends, but the ABA has a small issue. The keyway on the crankshaft is, you guessed it, POORLY ENGINEERED, so once its marred in anyway it will continuously shear the woodruf key off the crank gear. The solution? DRILL A FUCKING HOLE INTO THE CRANK. Like I wish I could make this shit up, but it happens to 1.8T's, certain TDI's, and the ABA. What the actual fuck.
Here is the $160 repair kit if you're incapable of buying a $6 cobalt drill bit and doing it yourself.
1.8T 20V Timing Belt Gear Dowel Pin Kit FOR TDI CRANK
Fuck this, I'm done.
Chapter 8 - Redemption
So to end my rant on how big of a pile of shit German automobiles are I will share with you why I'm here. I'm a homeowner now so I need to stop being stupid, and start making smart decisions.
I bought this on Friday. It needs some TLC, but its mostly all there. Its exactly what I wanted, in the exact color I wanted. Funny enough I looked at this car in 2011 when I was going to get rid of my TL. It had 29,000 miles on it but was way out of my price range. The guy who bought it back then sold it to me and he's maintained it pretty regularly. He's a member on here too and almost bought my J-pipe in my part out haha. But I digress, here you go.
I will make a progress thread for it soon, and you can all follow the progress there on my quest to get it back to its glory. I will not make the same mistake again, I won't sell the best car I ever owned over stupid reasons. 500k or bust.
The End.
P.S. German cars are fucking trash.
P.P.S. I still have the Lexus because its the most awesome thing I've ever owned. Ive since sold the Jetta, selling the Mini, and from this point will only ever own Japanese products.